Practicing Emotional First Aid
While every diagnosis no matter how early is still saddening, one thing I’m genuinely grateful for was that I found out about my mental illness early on in life. My diagnosis came after a nervous breakdown so bad that I had to be pulled out of school for a month when I was in high school.
While my life has not necessarily been perfect afterwards, the years afterwards has been spent learning how to manage my condition —- learning how to be kind to myself, taking care of my body through exercise and healthy eating, preparing myself for inevitable attacks (especially in school and at the work place), and lastly, how to practice first aid when there is no one to help.
I’ve read countless articles and books, watched videos, attended different classes and talks to figure out what kind of emotional first aid works for me. Hopefully, these things that I write will be able to help someone else who has not yet found the best way for them to cope with sudden attacks when not able to see a trained medical professional.
1. Find A Safe Space
Ideally, the first thing you have to do when you begin to lose control over your feelings is to find a place where you can be free of judgement from everyone (including yourself). Ideally, you should identify your safe space in areas you’re always at (home or office) and remember how to get there. Here are some steps to find a good safe space:
A. Identify if you are overwhelmed with having too much or too little space and start from there. If you’re feeling like the world is closing in on you, find a space where you can be or see open areas, greeneries or the sky (whether above you or through a window). If you’re feeling like you’re overwhelmed with too many things, find a space with less objects or closed environments, like janitor’s closets, prayer rooms and even isolated toilets in places where people don’t usually go to but is still within reach.
B. Look for a space where you’re away from people who make you uncomfortable. The last thing you want is to feel shame when you’re trying to make yourself feel stable. If you don’t feel safe around family or office colleagues, being away from them during your attack can greatly help you deal with it without feeling weak or ashamed.
C. Go where you can spend as much time as you need with little interruption. This is why public toilets can be a bit tricky as you may end up with someone knocking on the door and make your situation worse. You can opt instead for rooms like prayer rooms, janitor’s closets, gym dressing rooms (in off peak hours), or even your car (with the air conditioner off if you’re parked in the basement).
D. Optional: If you can find a way to be in a place where you can make as much noise without interruption, that would be good too. This is an especially important thing if you know that your coping mechanism involves noise (like uncontrolled crying or shouting).
2. Practice breathing techniques
This is the most convenient trick I learned that come in handy during meetings, before performances or whenever you’re generally in a situation wherein you have little ability to leave where you are. I know that I’m going to have an anxiety attack when I feel my spine chill and I start to hyperventilate. One interesting I learned from taking a few yoga classes is that one’s breathe is powerful.
Take a long, slow breath through your nose and imagine the air going through your nose and all the way to your lungs. Hold your breathe for 3 seconds and then exhale slowly with your mouth while relaxing your body. Repeat as many time as you need to until your breath stabilizes and your heart rate goes down. If you’re in a situation wherein you can’t be caught closing your eyes (during a meeting, exam, etc), focus on a particular spot in front of you that is unassuming.
Something that has also helped me is to close my eyes and focus on the middle of my eyebrows when I breathe. If only for a few seconds, it feels like a mini-vacation.
3. Grounding technique
I learned this one from a Tumblr post that circulated a few years ago and was quite surprised how helpful it actually was. When we begin to feel overwhelmed, our mind is often in two places: the things that went wrong and the things that still might go wrong. The one important place we are not in is the present. Grounding is often my second line of defense when I’m not able to control my breathing as well as I’d like.
Grounding is a technique used to pull you back from wherever your thoughts are to the present through the activation of your various senses. For me, this is the easiest and quietest technique you can use in situations that don’t feel like you can escape but don’t want to be caught (e.g. before a big presentation, going on-stage, etc.)
Steps:
A. First, use your sight. Look at 5 different things. Pay attention to their size, color, etc. I like to alternate looking at things that are both big and small.
B. Second, use your sense of touch. Touch four things repeatedly. It can be about your skin, the fabric of your clothes, your hair, the surface of a table, a wall, etc.
C. Third, use your hearing. Close your eyes and listen to 3 different sounds. It can be the sound of the air conditioner, cars passing or even your own breathing.
D. Fourth, use your scent. Smell 2 different things. I used to always keep a lavender smelling object nearby for this (like air freshener or essential oils).
E. Repeat until you’ve refocused into the present.
Remember that no matter what happened, you can’t change what has already happened. You can only try to do better the second time around.
4. Do an act of self care
If you’ve calmed down by this point, you may notice the amount of energy it has taken from you. Take this moment to remind yourself that no matter what happens, you are on your side.
Find one thing you can do for yourself that will make you feel better. An easy thing to do is drink water, eat a light snack or listen to your favorite playlist. Your body has just been through a lot, nourish it in whatever way you can.
When I was at work, this for me meant taking a moment to wash my face and apply or fix my make up. I remember telling myself that I could be a failure today but I can have a perfect cat eye while trying to do better.
Remind yourself as often as you need to that no matter what happens, you are your best form of support. You are going to be strong enough to take whatever comes your way.
5. Thank your body for the way it carried you through your difficult moments
A powerful moment for me was during a Philosophy class in university when my professor said “You are not your body, but you cannot be separated from it.”
In many ways, it is very easy to upset with yourself, your bad luck in the Russian roulette of life and the circumstances which triggered your situation but it’s always good to remember that your body is not the enemy. Our bodies respond the only way it knows how and learning how to be kind to yourself when you’re overwhelmed makes it easier for us to better learn how to cope with stressful situations long term.
Seeing a therapist, getting prescribed proper medication, reading about your condition, go to talks, joining support groups and talking to friends also working on improving their ability to cope are few of the many ways we can build our tools for emotional first aid.
Yes, you may have mental health problems but you are not your condition. You are so much more as a person than all that you’ve had to endure. You are not the things that have wounded you and the first step to healing is learning how to manage the little cuts along the way.
