In a start up, everything can go to shit in a second. Thankfully, shit is the best kind of fertiliser.
When I decided to build a start up, I never knew the kind of emotional rollercoaster I signed up for. I’ve read articles about struggles of different founders through articles, interviews and blogs online. I’ve even heard about it from some of my friends who have taken the leap before I did. But no amount of reading really prepares you for how the shift to entrepreneurship affects you specifically as a person. Each person responds differently to the multifaceted struggles of being a founder, whether that by through financial instability, maintaining social relationships, peer pressure and so on.
Being a founder makes you ask a lot of questions about yourself that are necessary for you to not only be able to answer the questions of the people around you but more importantly answer to yourself when you’re in difficult situations.
There were moments when I thought we were doing well but then a split second later everything I’ve worked on for several weeks comes down to pieces. I’ve trusted the wrong people and ended up with a lot of delays and substandard work. I’ve spent too much on output that fell short by a mile. I’ve hired too early, put money in the wrong places and invested in things that we might not be able to get back. I’ve battled the midpoint and somehow fell short. It’s hard. It’s frustrating. It’s a blow to the ego every time we have to start over. Overall, it’s a humbling experience and I’m learning so much from it.
Every day, I am given reminders of the life I could have had if I had stayed in my corporate job. I see my friends travelling everywhere, hear about how big their stretch target bonuses are, see office party photos and outings, get news about promotions and job changes in roles, and the occasional head hunter or HR person that tempts me with roles that I am actually quite interested in. Every day, I have to ask myself why I’m still here — working on a company for 4 months now with no substantial output yet with it’s progress in sprints, drops and busts. Yet somehow, I’m still here. I still find that there is still so much more to gain.
Working in our start up has made me think hard about how I defined a successful life. It made me re-evaluate what at the end of the day really mattered to me. I wanted to build a life that I would be proud of doing work that I find meaningful, continually having and creating new experiences, and giving back to the world out of gratefulness for all that it has given me. I wanted to be the best version of myself, challenge myself to be better in every way that mattered to me. I wanted to learn as many things as I could. As of the moment, building a start up does that for me.
For every problem that I’ve had to solve that goes anywhere from building the story of our production, building the right team, how to register a business, materials to be used in construction, making the right marketing strategy, to taking care of our people, making sure they learn things, giving them chances to grow and learning to let go when our engagement no longer fits with each other, I find myself always challenged to know more than I did yesterday.
While I still don’t plan to claim myself as an expert in every field, I’ve learned to be kind to myself for the days I’ve fallen short and try to be as smart as possible to learn what I have to in time for when I need it. It’s choosing to be deliberate about what occupies my mind, continually practicing emotional first aid, responding the problems the best way I can and most of the time, praying and hoping that my team and I have done enough.
In a start up, everything can go to shit in a second. Thankfully, shit is the best kind of fertiliser. The real win from not giving up is really the growth.
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